Friends and Life

I just finished reading all of my friends blogs and it seems as though we all have heavy stuff going on in our lives right now. There is issues of death, health, transitions at home, friends or lack there of. I am extremely happy that we will all be togethor in 2 weeks time - it will be nice to actually look into these friends eyes as I say, I am here for you, what can I do instead of saying it over the internet and sending a cyber hug.

I sit and write this and am thinking about the millions of little things that I have to get done tonight and tomorrow before we head off to camp for 10 days but find myself with little energy or desire to go and do it. I think I am just really missing my friends and really just want this next week to pass so I can see everyone.

Just so that you all know Paul and I are going to be out of town for a week or so and I am really relaxed about it as Mary's niece is going to be here looking after the cat and the house for us. I am really happy that we don't have to put Lucky in a kennel for 10 days - it is much to hard on her and me (I am such a sucker when it comes to this cat!!!)

See you all VERY soon, can't wait. Send me an email and let me know where you are all staying so that I can be in touch when we get back and hopefully you can come and see our place.

Better Week

I had a much better week this week. Life slowly seems to be returning to normal. I spent a few hours with a good friend and we went for dinner and a movie and I got to see his new place that he moved into with his soon to be wife - wow it is a really nice place, really bright and spacious. Work got a bit more hectic as the week went on as most of the staff was away on vacation and we started the week with 4 but our supervisor had to leave effective Wednesday to go on Medical Leave as per her doctors orders so it only left 3 of us and we had a lot of clients coming in a out this week. I even had to quickly learn how to do the 1-1 intake sessions. It went okay I think. It is just going to be the 3 of us again on Monday and then on Tuesday we will be back up to a full staff again.

It is very hot here right now - it got up to 39 degrees at our friends place in Abbotsford and I think it was around 36 - 38 here in Langley. I feel bad for our cat as we only have a small space for her to escape to in the basement as it is unberable upstairs. Oh well, you do what you can to stay cool right!

We went out for dinner to the Keg last night to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversery. It is not till Tuesday but Paul works of course and then we are off to camp and unable to celebrate it any other time. It was great, G & M came with us and the boys' had the Lobster fest - they were giddy. We have a couple of BBQ's that we have to go to today and then I think we might try to go to a movie or hit an ice skating rink and just roll around on the ice to stay cool. LOL!!

Why?

Today was my girlfriends Celebration of Life service. It was a very tough day for a lot of people. The chaple was packed - standing room only and people were out in the hallways. I was nice to see alot of the friends that were there but very unfortunate it had to be under these circumstances. It has been a really tough week, I have alternated between trying to keep my head clear and focused and just breaking down and crying my eyes out. I am really going to miss Misti a lot and I know that everyone else will as well. I normally don't like asking for prayer and find it difficult to ask but please keep me in your prayers as I am finding her death very difficult and am taking it quite hard. I have been extremely depressed for about a week now and can't really shake it off. I feel as though I am walking around in a fog and that I am moving in slow motion while life around me is moving at fast forward speed. I know it takes time and that there are many stages to grief as I have experienced much of it in my life but this seems different somehow. I am also a little angry with God - she had so much to offer to the world and I know she was not done yet so why her? I am sitting her crying and trying to figure it all out and know that I never will but also know that God will never give us more than we can handle....but it really feels like he is testing me somehow. I am just rambling now, I think I am going to head back upstairs and go cuddle on the couch with Paul as he heads back to work tomorrow. If anyone reads this, thanks for taking the time.

Camp

This week has been a bit of a blur. Up until last night I had not gotten more that about 2 - 3 hours sleep a night the worst of which were Monday and Tuesday. The shock of finding out about Misti just put me into a complete daze. I headed up to Camp Artaban on Wednesday afternoon to help out at Childrens Co-ed 1 (97 children grades 3 - 6), it was actually really fun and a great way to take my mind off of things and go spend time with God. I always find that the opportunity to go to camp comes especially when I need it the most to reconnect with myself and God. I was put into a cabin as counsellor to 8 girls who were great. I was really worried but I knew one of the children really well as it was the caretakers daughter. They all kept me really busy and the support from the staff during this rough time was great. I also got the chance to connect a little bit with a old friend of mine and a girl who was in my cabin about 6 years ago who is now a staff member. The weather did not co-operate with us as it rained lots but only the staff seemed to notice - nothing fazed these kids, they were eager to do everything rain or shine. Even though I was only up there for 2 days it still felt much longer as you do more in 1 day up at camp than you do in a week at home. You wake up early, go to breakfast, chapel, crafts, sports, lunch, rest hour (ha, ha), waterfront, archery, climbing wall, dinner, widegame, then another activity, cocoa, campfire and FINALLY bed time! Wow, I am tired just writing about it.

I am home about 2 weeks and then I am going to do it all over again but for 10 days next time - oh well, at least I am not going to be counselling (I hope!!!)

Sad News Day

This day sucks!!!! I was a work and everything was going along fine until I checked my email, I opened one up and it was from a friend of mine's family and it said:

"to all of Misti's family and friends - our heartfelt prayers go out to you during this difficult time and please know that she will be missed by all"

I had no idea what had happened all I knew is that I had a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomache. I called my other friends mom and she confirmed the worst - my girlfried Misti passed away this morning at around 7:00am and she was only 28yrs old. It hit me like a tonn of bricks falling on my chest. I started crying and work ended up sending my home. They were actually quite wonderful to me. It really sucks as you start thinking of all the "if only" things, if only I got to see her in the hospital, if only I called and saw her more often. I realize that you can't do that or else you make yourself crazy. I am very lucky that I have amazing friends and a very strong support system in place or else I am not sure what I would do. In the picture going clockwise from top to bottom: Tammi, Deanne, Cathy, Misti, Paula

It was nice, Paul was able to come home for a couple of hours to be with me as I have spend most of the day staring off into space or just sitting and crying. Our cat knows that I am upset and has not really left me alone to day either. The funeral is going to be held on Saturday morning at 10:00 so I think I am going to go up to camp as originally planned and will either come home on Friday night or early Saturday morning so I can go.

Please keep me and Misti's family and friends in your prayers right now as we all really need all the support that we can get.

And to all my friends, I love you. (it makes you realize how much you truly do love your friends)